My life this week: When you think you trust God, but then you show you really don't fully trust Him.

Yep...I was feeling that today. My pain has been my constant companion for 10 years. My trust in God about my pain hasn't waned at all. But then last week I was hit with a very difficult, different trial that I wasn't ready for. You would think after walking with the Lord for 16 years and going through the pain I have gone through that I would be rock solid in my trusting God. I have become so complacent in my faith.
Yes I believed God was there.
Yes I trusted Him.

But then a new trial comes barrelling in with no notice. What? How could I deal with this too?

Oh no. I just kept thinking, "It's too much."

I had a lump on my throat and a very heavy heart.

But God's plan for me was and is always good. This didn't feel good though!

Ahh...the light goes on...
What do feelings have to do with God's goodness?
When I feel angry or sad does that mean God is not good?
No, my feelings don't tell me anything except that I am fallen. They actually lead me astray more times than I can count.

These two verses “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool” (Proverbs 28:26a) and “The heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9a) are so good to point us away from listening to our thoughts.

Think of the last time you had strong negative emotions...
Did it lead you to love God more?
Desire His Word?
Seek Him?

So we are getting somewhere...
John.16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

 Our emotions (since we are sinful) can draw us away from God. We aren't believing God when He says we can truly have peace even when life gets crazy scary. Why? We fall into believing we are losing control and if we just get a handle on this issue we will be back to normal... But God never promises that. We are NOT in control. But God has overcome this world and He loves us! Imagine if we kept our eyes focused completely on Him even in the very, very hard times.

Picture a runner at the start line, seeing the endpoint 100 meters away. He has worked for years perfecting his start, his endurance, his end. He has kept his eyes on the finish. If he was distracted in any way he would not win the race.

 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. Do your best to come to me soon." 
 ~2 Tim 4:7-9

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."

~Isaiah 26:3

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."
~Col 3:2

Are you resting in God's promises?
All I can say is I'm with you. I doubt. I cry. I fear.

But I'm glad God doesn't leave me there. Even in my week of despair that things would never change, God was keeping His eyes on me, loving me through it. He was there and He still is.

I'm thankful for this new trial. God has strengthen me through it in a way I couldn't be taught any other way.

If you are going through a really difficult time don't think God is far from you. Believe His Word. He is closer than a brother. Thank Him for the trial. What an awesome God we serve.

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